“From the outside, I was happy…”
I’d go out for midweek happy hour at my favorite local bars.
I’d pre-game with my favorite drink while I put on my makeup for Friday nights out.
I’d fill up my cooler to spend Saturdays on the lake with cold beer under the hot sun.
I’d have a glass of wine with dinner after stressful work days.
But when I looked inward, I didn’t feel happy.
I didn’t know how I felt. Maybe miserable? Maybe fine? I tried not to think about it.
I just kept doing what felt normal. The stuff everyone else was doing.
I drank to be social, but the desire to pour another glass came even when I was alone.
I drank to feel good, but each Sunday Funday only left me feeling depleted and drained.
I drank to relieve stress, but I ended up feeling more anxious and more self-conscious.
So, I tried a new tactic. I stayed busy. Because being busy meant I didn’t have time to listen to that growing voice inside me. The one that whispered something is wrong.
I invented trivial problems to distract me from my real ones. I wrapped myself in a big social life, so I wouldn’t be left alone with my thoughts. I chased anything I could consume to give me a fleeting sense of satisfaction.
But there was still that inner voice trying to tell me something: my drinking was progressing.
“I started to wonder if I had a problem with drinking.”
I also noticed I was having a lot of extra drinks.
A drink before I went out.
A drink after I got home.
A drink whenever it was socially acceptable to have a drink.
I thought the solution was just to tone down my drinking. So, I leaned on my will power.
I told myself I’d only have one glass of wine at happy hour… only to come home racked with guilt that I’d split a whole bottle.
I promised myself that I would self-monitor my drinking… only to be consumed with shame at the thought that everyone might think I was an alcoholic.
And in the small moments when I wasn’t drinking or being busy — where I was alone with my thoughts — the voice told me what I already knew: I was running away from myself whenever I took a drink.
“Fear grips us. Guilt holds us hostage. Anger overwhelms us. Trauma keeps us sick. Anxiety crushes us.”
So many women struggle with these feelings. We don’t feel comfortable in our own skin. We struggle to speak our truth. We wonder whether we’re good enough.
And so we look to alcohol to ease our minds.
Society tells us it’s normal. We’re encouraged to celebrate our successes with champagne and drink the blues away when we’re sad. Except that’s not the whole story.
Alcohol masks our insecurities and band-aids our wounds. But it’s only a temporary reprieve. Because alcohol never heals.
It only ever dulls the pain, so we don’t have to face it.
“Alcohol numbs everything – including ourselves.”
My drinking was numbing decades of low self-worth, low self-esteem, major body image issues, relationship issues, shame and fear. I knew I couldn’t continue through life feeling numb any longer, but I was afraid of being sober.
I was riddled with fear that without alcohol I’d have no social life, no friends, and no fun.
And my biggest fear of all… was that I’d have to face the guilt, anxiety, shame, anger, and pain that simmered inside me. All the feelings I had asked alcohol to keep at bay for me.
So, I ignored the quiet voice within myself trying to warn me that my drinking was getting in the way. I ignored the subtle nudges that whispered to me I needed to change.
… until I hit rock bottom.
It was ugly and heavy and impossibly bleak. It’s the kind of pain you don’t wish on anyone. But I’m so glad it happened to me, because it set me on my alcohol-free journey.
And while hitting an all-time low was my first step on this journey, I believe there is another path for you.
“You don’t need to hit rock bottom to change your relationship with alcohol.”
When I took that first step towards sobriety, I thought I was just quitting drinking. In truth, I was building a holistic lifestyle for myself that allowed me to heal from my pain instead of numbing it.
For over 14 years, I have fought my way to become a woman I am falling in love with. A woman who feels comfortable in her skin, who cherishes the moments she chooses to speak her truth, who knows in her heart she is worthy. It’s a process, and every day I take another step forward.
And I believe you can do the same thing for yourself.
As a recovery coach, I help women release alcohol from their lives and help them heal. I offer programs and support designed to help women stop drinking for good and build a fulfilling life free from the anxieties, fear, guilt, and shame that has haunted them for years.
Because it’s not just about going alcohol-free. That’s the first step. This journey is about building a balanced life that fulfills you physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Recovery is complex. It happens in stages as we evolve and heal.
You learn to trust yourself. You learn to forgive yourself. You learn to love yourself.
I’m here to help you integrate all the pieces you need to build a life of freedom and joy. Together, we work through the five pillars of health, community, purpose, spirituality, and self-acceptance.
It’s time to listen to your inner voice. She brought you here because she wants you to know…